King Of The Hill Porn Story: Skip to My Lu My Darling Chapter 1

King Of The Hill Porn Story: Skip to My Lu My Darling Chapter 1

King
of the Hill

A
Connie & Luanne Episode

Skip
to My Lu My Darling

Written
by Mr. Semaj

Prologue

At
Arlen First Methodist Church, Luanne is in her dressing room putting
the finishing touches on something…

She
is sitting at her mirror, as she finishes brushing the donkey’s hair.
She combs the cat’s whiskers, strokes the octopus’ tentacles, and
dusts off the penguins hat.

Luanne
takes a deep breath…

Luanne:
“Showtime!”

Act
I

Scene
I Manger Babies at the Smorgasbord

One
Sunday afternoon, at Arlen Methodist Church, Luanne entertains the
children at Sunday school.

Luanne: Once upon a time, almost two thousands of years
ago, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was born.

In a manger.

And in that manger lived the cutest little animals.

Thisis theirstory.

(singing): After Jesus left, King Herod came
Demanding
first-born sons.
He cast an evil spell on them,
Freezing
everyone.
Long ago I bought a Nativity scene
At a yard sale
second-hand.
They came to life and then, amen!
I met the
Manger Babies!
There’s Obadiah the donkey — he says “Eee-yaa!”
Hosea the cat — “Meow meow!”
An octopus too —
“Gurgle gurgle!”
And let’s not forget a very British
bird,
Sir Reginald Featherbottom the Third.
“Charmed,
I’m sure, guv’nor.”
They are the Manger Babies, getting in
trouble,
Manger Babies, spreading God’s message of love,
Manger
Babies…
MANGER BABIES!

Audience
applauds.

Luanne:
“Good afternoon. How is everyone today?”

Audience:
“Great!!”

Obadiah:
“Hee-haw! How’s your day today?”

Hosea:
“My day is just meow-velous.”

Octopus:
“Gurgle-gurgle…”

Sir
Reginald
: “Such a capital day indeed, ol’ chap!”

Luanne:
“And do you know why it’s a marvelous day?”

Manger
Babies
: “Why?”

Luanne:
“Because it’s…SUNDAY!!”

“We go to church, and praise Jesus. Then, when we get home, we
have a big, beautiful Sunday dinner!”

Sir
Reginald
: “I say, what do we have for dinner?”

Obadiah:
“How about some fresh bluegrass? Hee-haw!”

Luanne: “Well, I prefer some stuffing, fresh peas, and
some delicious cornbread muffins.”

Children:
“Mmm…”

Luanne
takes her bow as she goes on to the next Act.

Luanne: You know, we usually have our dinners at home after
church. But since today is an extra-terrific today, lets all go
out to a smorgasbord!

Manger
Babies
: Yay!!

Obadiah:
What are you guys going to get?

Hosea:
Meow-dont know. What are you guys going to get?

Octopus:
Gurgle. Gurgle-gurgle?

Sir
Reginald
: Im not sure. What are you blokes goin to eat?

Luanne:
Why dont we go there and find out?

By
the end of the third act, the Manger Babies have completed their
outing at the smorgasbord.

Hosea:
Meow! That meal was wonderful!

Sir
Reginald
: I concur.

Obadiah:
Me three.

Octopus:
Gurgle.

Luanne:
And what have we all learned today?

Audience:
How we must pray before and after every meal.

Luanne: “Thats right!

So remember kids, it is always important to give your attention to
Jesus. A few hours of praise on Sunday mornings is all he asks, and
he will reward you with a nice, rich dinner. Thank you!

Audience applauds.

Scene II Aftershow
Admiration

After the show, the
audience leaves. A man enters Reverend Stroups office, as the
reverend is about to leave. Its Bill.

Bill: Good
afternoon, maam.

Reverend Stroup:
Good afternoon, Bill.

Bill: I quite
enjoyed Luannes performance today.

Reverend Stroup:
So did I.

Bill: How
about a dinner at Sugarfoots? My treat.

Reverend Stroup:
Of course, hon.

Reverend Stroup
races out the door.

Reverend Stroup:
Last one to the car tips the waiter!

Bill chases after
her as the couple laughs giddily.

In the
activities/theatre room, children are standing in line to get
Luannes autograph. Joseph stops by.

Joseph: Hey, Luanne.

Luanne: Hey Joseph.

Joseph: Great show today. Hows it going?

Luanne: Pretty good. These kids say they want my John
Hancock, but how can you own someone whos not your child?

A man steps into the room.

Nate: Excuse me?

He walks over to Luanne.

Nate: I just wanted to give you much kudos to your fledging
Manger Babies. (shakes Luannes hand)

Luanne: Why thank you. Who are you?

Nate: My name is Nate. I was the one who sold you the
puppets at a garage sale my roommate and I held nine years ago.

Luanne: Really?

Nate: Sure.

You
came with a man and his boy one day in January. You seemed pretty
down in the dumps. But once you found the puppets, and your uncle was
nice enough to buy them for you, it put a sparkle in your eyes that
could make even the strongest men cry.

What
kind of human would I be not to sell the puppets to you?

Luanne: I dont know. What kind of humans are there?

Joseph: But dude, where did you get the puppets from?

Nate: They had been in a thrift store since the 70s. I
bought them one day to entertain my cousin. But like most children,
she outgrew them, and they were no use to us anymore.

Luanne: Mr. Nate, I can assure you that no one is too old
or too young for the Manger Babies. Not as long as theres a ray of
hope in this brave new world. (rays shine from the sanctuary
window)

Joseph. Whoa, thats deep.

Scene
III The Big News

The next morning,
Luanne leaves for work. Kahn is leaving for work. Minh is watering
her front garden. Doggie is playing with a bone.

As Luanne goes to
her car, she is stopped by Nancy.

Nancy: Oh,
Sug! Nice to see you!

Luanne: Hey,
Mrs. Gribble.

Nancy: Listen,
I wanted to tell you how impressed I am with the Manger Babies. Its
one of our favorite shows down at Channel 84 News.

Luanne:
Really?

Nancy: Yes
really, Sug.

The
real reason I wanted to see you is to tell you that this is the time
of year that we pick nominees among our local programs for the
Academy of Television Arts & Sciences. We pick only the finest
programs and specials that have aired throughout the year.

Luanne: Thats
great Mrs. Gribble. But what does that have to do with me?

Nancy: Sug,
the Manger Babies have been nominated for Best Family Program!

Luanne shrieks with
delight as she jumps and hugs Nancy.

Nancy:
Congradulations, Sug!

On the front page of
the Arlen Bystander, the major headline is in: Local
Childrens Entertainer Snags First Emmy Nomination

Scene
IV The Picnic

On a warm Saturday,
Luanne, accompanied by Connie, Lucky, Joseph, and Bobby, all go out
to Arlen Park for a picnic.

Connie (inhales
the fresh air)
: What a marvelous day for a picnic.

Lucky: Its a mighty fine day to celebrate, what with
Luanne making it big off the Manger Babies.

The gang stops at a
hill overviewing a large meadow.

Connie: Here
we are.

After the picnic
sheet is set up, everybody is sitting and enjoying their lunch.

Joseph: Hey
Luanne. I got a question.

Luanne: Yes?

Joseph: There was one episode where Hosea had trouble
cleaning out her closet, but she had this leftover box of catnip.
What was the idea behind that?

Luanne: It was from her kitten years. Hosea always took a
spoonful of catnip when she was under stress.

Joseph: For like what?

Luanne: Um

Maria: It was an anti-drug message. Kids shouldnt take
marijuana, nicotine, or any of that crap.

Bobby: A lot of celebrities died from drugs; Chris Farley,
John Belushi, Paul Lynde…

Connie: And Charlie Parker.

Lucky: Dont they got programs in todays schools to
keep kids off drugs?

Connie: Yes.

Maria: But most of the seniors take up smoking before they
even graduate. I heard one from 1995 died with a diploma in his
hand.

Connie: The programs have no effect whatsoever. Its sad,
really.

Joseph: So that must explain those asphyxiation
stories theyve had on 20/20.

Bobby: Some kids get bored with more conventional drugs, so
they turned to self-torture and abusing over-the-counter drugs.

Joseph: Whoathats deep.

Luanne: Well, that was certainly deeper than I was going
for.

The idea was to show how Hosea changed from an undisciplined young
kitty into a beautiful queen. Think of it more as a metamorphosis
from a caterpillar to a butterfly.

A butterfly flies
through the air. It flies close to the picnic site, and lands on
Luannes nose.

Maria
(whispers): If were real quiet, we can catch it.

Luanne sniffles, and
the butterfly flies away.

Maria: There
it goes. Lets get it!

Connie: Wait
up!

Luanne: Me
too!

While the girls go
out in the meadow, the boys stay on the hill to chat. Bobby starts
munching blueberries from a nearby bush.

Lucky: Look
at her. (looks at Luanne)

That
soft gold hair swishing in the breeze. A true inner-child, and I
married her. Our baby child is going to be mighty blessed to have her
as a mom. It makes my life of semi-retirement truly worth it.

Bobby: I can only imagine, Lucky. But look at her.
(points at Maria)

So
dark, and yet so bright. Shes never afraid to take a challenge;
its as if she knows the true meaning of life. Not many girls are
like her around here.

Joseph: Right, but take a look at her. (points to
Connie)

Shes
smart, sharp, and funny. She can apply to any university she
wants to. Heck, she even has the know-how to establish her own
university. Best of allshe is onehotpieceof ace.

Bobby: Yeah, I know. Savor every last bit of her while you
can, Joseph. Some people in this world are a once in a lifetime
opportunity.

People
likeMaria.

Joseph:
Connie.

Lucky: Luanne.

All males sigh.

The females continue
playing in the meadow, as they had forgotten about the butterfly. The
butterfly flies high in the sky.

Scene
V A Visit from a Critic

The next day, after
the show, Luanne and Lucky are on their way to Reverend Stroups
office for an appointment. She is stopped by a child and his mom.

Boy: Look
mom! Its the creator of Manger Babies!

Mom: Oh
excuse me, miss! Can I get a picture of you with my son? Hes a big
fan.

Luanne: Sure.

Luanne poses with a
great, cheerful smile with the child.

Mom: Thank
you very much. God bless you!

Luanne waves goodbye
as she and Lucky walk away.

The meeting begins
in reverend Stroups office.

Luanne: Good
afternoon, Reverend Stroup.

Reverend Stroup:
Good afternoon, Luanne.

Luanne: How
are you and Mr. Dauterive doing?

Reverend Stroup:
Never better, never better.

Luanne,
your show Manger Babies is doing extremely well this season!

Luanne:
Really?

Reverend Stroup: Absolutely, hon. Nancy says its been in
the Top 5 column for the past six weeks! You mustve really made an
impression on the children this past Easter.

Luanne: I guess so. Though I always thought the Christmas
show was the peak of the series.

Reverend Stroup: And we want the Manger Babies to see many
more Christmases. Its time to pay back your loan.

Luanne: Im
sorry, what loan?

Reverend Stroup: The loan I gave you one time for new props
and stage refurbishment from when you were behind on your bills.

Luanne: Oh
sorry, Reverend Stroup. I dont have it today.

Lucky: Its been a tough ride, maam. Luanne is about
to be a mommy, and were trying to revise our budget to make room
for baby clothes, baby food, some toys, and a crib.

Reverend Stroup: I understand. But remember, whos the
executive producer here?

Luanne: You
are. (writes out a check and hands it to her)

Reverend Stroup:
Thanks, hon. Youll get your check by Friday.

Just then, a voice
comes from the door.

Jamie J. Weinman:
Excuse me, Reverend Stroup. I came for a review on your Manger
Babies program.

Luanne
(whispers): Who is that?

Reverend Stroup
(whispers): I dont know. But he says hes from
Canada.

Luanne walks over to
greet the critic.

Luanne: Hello.
(shakes hands)

Jamie J. Weinman: Ms. Platter. I was composing an article
for my blog, when I came across the website for Arlen First Methodist
Church. Apparently, your marionette show is a big hit among the
locals.

Luanne: It
sure is. We get our biggest ratings during the Easter and Christmas
seasons.

Reverend Stroup:
And its nominated for its first local Emmy.

Weinman: I see. So, I stopped by to see if I can get an
exclusive interview with the mastermind behind this fledging
franchise.

Luanne (looks
around the room)
: Who?

Weinman: You! My interview, regardless of any given
subjectivity, will focus on the aspects of quality television in our
modern era.

So,
what do you say, Ms. Platter?

Luanne: Of
course I will.

Lucky: Mornin,
Mr. Critic. (extends hand for a handshake, but gets nothing)

Weinman: Who
the hell are you?

Scene
VI The Revelation

That afternoon,
following the interview, Luanne drives into the driveway at home.
Connie is waiting on her front stoop to greet her.

Connie: Luanne!

Luanne: Connie!

The girls hug.

Connie: I saw your show today.

Luanne: Did you like it.

Connie: As always.

So
what happened today?

Luanne: I had an interview with a critic. The Manger Babies
somehow gained attention outside our own community.

Connie: Thats because youve really got it made,
Luanne! The Manger Babies is among the top-rated programs in the
local syndicate. The show is a favorite among both kids and
adults. And its nominated for an Emmy!

Luanne: Yes, but Im not doing this for the fame.
Television needs more shows that can entertain and educate without
one overwhelming the other.

But I agree. It certainly doesnt get any better than this!

The next morning,
the newest Arlen Bystander is delivered to everyones homes.
Boomhauer collects his newspaper from his front step. His latest date
drags him back in the house.

Meanwhile, way out
in Wichita Falls, a man is strolling in the business district. He
collects an issue of Arlen Bystander from a nearby newspaper machine.
He reads in the entertainment section about the Manger Babies…

That afternoon, at
the Hills house, the doorbell rings. Luanne answers it.

Luanne: Hello?

Man: Good afternoon, Mrs. Platter. Im aware that youre
the creator of the Manger Babies?

Luanne: Yes.
Please come in.

The man continues
his explanation as he walks in.

Man: I noticed that you regularly use four puppets for your
show, puppets that once belonged to a proprietor by the name of
Jacques Q. Patterson, former owner of Patterson Puppets.

Luanne: But I found them in a garage sale nine years ago.
How could know all of this?

Man: Mrs.
Platter, I am Jacques Patterson.

Luanne gasps.

(end
of Act I)

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